My Calling

I'm only sixteen, so most people, after I've told them that I plan to adopt when I turn 30, think I don't know what I'm talking about and try to discourage me.

But, I know that this is something I HAVE to do.

Adoption has been all around me, it seems. A family friend adopted a baby girl from Korea about 13 or so years ago. Two other family friends both adopted Vietnamese daughters, and it seems every day I meet a new family that has adopted from China.

One little girl, who is homeschooled and I don't know the name of, came in to see my mom at work once. And cried as she hugged my mom, who, at the time, was a complete stranger, because she missed her and my mother was Chinese, like her, and she missed her home. It was touching and heartbreaking.

One of my family's close friends, who adopted a Vietnamese girl before we got back in touch via facebook, was in the process of adopting another girl from China, but has since halted the process.

Through her blog detailing the process, I found the link to Ni Hao Y'All, a blog about an amazing woman who has four children, and adopted five more, and was in the process of adopting two more, until one of them passed away at the orphanage before she could get to the United States.

Through her blog, I started to research more and more adoption stories, and look into orphanages a little bit more. Then, I watched the PBS POV movie, "Wo Ai Ni, Mommy" about the Sadowsky family, who adopts a little girl from Guangzhou in China, and records the interactions and the assimilation.

And that was when I felt the nudge.

I'm between religions. I was raised Buddhist by my family, but I have gone to a Christian school all my life. I can perform a prayer ritual, and recite the Lord's Prayer with no problem. I believe in God, but I still feel pulled by my Buddhist faith.

And so, I have no clue where the nudge is from. But every day, my heart aches that it is still another 14 years before I can find my child, the one who is waiting to be born and put into an orphanage in China until I am ready for her.

And I hope, with all of my heart, that I'll be able to do it. That whatever Ggod there is can help me in my life. To lift me up so that I will be able to bring her over, and provide for her. To guide me through this process, so that I will be ready to get her. To let my heart stay open to adoption.